Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
