He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
