that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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