well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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