Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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