WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
