you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
