I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
