think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
