forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
