I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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