you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
