Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
they're like a gay fantastic four
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
