Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
