He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize