i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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