i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
