Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
