he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
