He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
