the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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