why didn't you poke me back
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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