why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this will be a night to untag.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
