i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
