yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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