He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
