she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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