he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
