I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
