Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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