so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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