A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
