'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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