Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
