i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
