eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize