Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
only you would photoshop your dick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
