every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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