All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
