I am puke
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
