Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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