all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
