What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
