Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
