did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
