youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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