I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
