im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
