Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you never un-have a 4some
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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