Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
