I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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