Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
