Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
