I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this will be a night to untag.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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