so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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