Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
