I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
