Plan B is the new Plan A
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
