I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
