In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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