He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
