found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Houston, we have a squirter
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
