this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
