i already hear my dad disowning me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize