Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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