I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
