A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize