after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
